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Lettering. Weddings. Formed.

I Always Forget.

"There's something aching inside me."

I told my husband this the other night. I couldn't quite figure it out. This season of life I'm in is like none other. So different. In every way imaginable. 

Lately I feel like I live in the center of this crazy juxtaposition. Smack dab in the middle of peace and heartache. 

What am I missing here? What am I not getting? 

As I traveled down this hole of thought I found myself at the bottom. I had hoped it would be full of complex meaning and beautiful in appearance. But it wasn't.

It was plain. It was empty. It was familiar. 

I've been here before. 

I had forgotten. 

I always forget.

I forgot that He loves me. I forgot that He chose me. In the turmoil I forgot that He's still my Father. The love of God is harder to accept and remember, than to understand.

There are those who say "Well if God is a God of love then why would He (fill in the blank)."

See, there's a general understanding (even amongst non-Christians) that we, as Christians, believe in a God of love, yet why is it that I daily do not accept His love. I spend so much time and put so much effort towards making sure I am doing the right thing, saying the right thing, thinking the right way that I rarely stop just to hear Him whisper...

I love you. I've always loved you.

The morning after I told my husband there was something aching inside of me, I heard that whisper.

It broke me. The love of God will do that. It will break you. Because it doesn't make sense. Why would a God who has everything and is everything extend His love to me?

 I am nothing. I am nobody. 

What man of you, having a hundred sheep, if he has lost one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open country, and go after the one that is lost, until he finds it?  - Luke 15:4

But to Him I am so much more. I am the one He went after.

Even after years of walking with Him, I'm still the one.